Saturday, January 22, 2011

primordial grief...

... read something yesterday which struck a deep note for me.

have you ever wondered what Eve felt in the garden after she ate and gave Adam to eat? have you ever wondered what she felt when God came looking for them and found them hiding?

have you ever wondered…

… how she felt when she/they knew they were naked? [and by the way, who told them they were naked?]

… what she felt when the reality of what had happened... what they had done?... what.. she.. had done?... began to break through to her?

… what she felt when the loss of Eden came crashing in on her?

forget the loaded-ness of the Genesis story... think for a moment what it would feel like knowing that in a time of weakness - because of a very crooked place within… a place where healing and restoration was yet to be worked - a decision was made which put your loved ones in a place of difficulty for the rest of their lives.

have you ever made such a decision? i have.

as i read about that grief immeasurable and bleak… Eve’s grief in the Garden and after… when the full weight of what she had done bore in on her, i felt that grief… i knew that grief, even if only in part… I shared that grief and my heart broke for her.

He is bringing me through it - i trust He brought her through it, too.

even though i walk through a valley deep and dark… He is with me.

1 comment:

mike said...

This is tough: When we've done stuff that screws up people we care about. It is bad enough to screw up our own life--it is really awful to do that to a loved one.

The problem is it is pretty much unavoidable. None of us are islands unto ourselves. It is hard to really apologize because then you really have to face and admit what you've done and how selfish and careless you have been. And you are vulnerable to their wrath if you apologize without defending yourself. It is really a struggle for me when I need to do it.

Painful stuff, but mostly those around us want to show us mercy and, when they do, I think they get better too. Our apology validates them as people and how they feel and that we care about them and what we have done. It seems to help soothe them from our previous selfish/careless acts.

I say this like I've got it licked, but, in truth, it just about kills me to have to do it--just ask those who have to deal with me a lot.